New School

Right after I graduated high school I went down to school at BYU Provo. After I got home from my mission I transferred up to BYU Idaho. Both are church schools and both were great.

However...

I now attend Idaho State University. It's not a church school. People smell like smoke, or beer, or they just smell. Now the smelly part isn't the best, (not everyone smells though. That's a plus!) but I have to say that I honestly love going to a liberal school. Yes I'm not a fan of gays or lesbians. They just kinda creep me out. If that offends you, good for you. But I do love how not everyone is Mormon.

The first day of classes this semester I was walking to a class and I see this guy. He's probably like 40. And has a pony tail. And a sweet beard. And a beer gut. And looks like white trash. So OF COURSE I notice him. But it gets better. This sweet addition to any university sees someone he knows and here is the conversation which ensued.

40 Year Old nasty Man: Hey man you off probation yet?

30 Year old slightly less nasty dude: Yeah I just got off.

40 Y.O.N.M: Oh sweet (Sweet was said like he thought he was a bad A surfer dude) I was thinking about going to get a beer. You want to come?

30 Y.O.S.L.N.D: Hell yeah man that sounds good.

This conversation pretty much made my day. First of all, these guys totally looked like losers. Second, the one is almost as old as my dad. Haha I love nasty people.

Wait, strike loving nasty people. There's a girl in my speech class. She's fairly attractive. But just because I think she is fairly attractive it does not mean that I want to see 4 inches of butt crack hanging out of her pants. Gross. Huge drop on the attractive scale. I don't care how hot you are, a butt crack is a butt crack. And I don't want to see it. Nasty sauce.

I love going to school at ISU. People aren't all goody goody Mormon and judge me because I skipped Elder's Quorum and Sunday School to watch the World Cup. (I still went to Sacrament Meeting. That's the important one anyways right?) And the weird thing is that I actually get to set an example for people because some know that I'm Mormon. When everyone is Mormon I have a hard time trying to be good because everyone is. And while I'm not the best little Mormon boy, I do like standing out. Even if it is only because I don't look mangy and I look clean.

Haha I think the 6 followers I had no longer read this blog. So I'm blogging to myself? I'm okay with that. I think I'm funny anyways

Kissing for fun

So it's been a while since I've written anything on here. Partially because I haven't had a whole lot to write and partially because I have gotten out of the habit of blogging. But I have some spare time tonight and was reading through some of the blogs I follow with my real email account and I decided to post something here.

One of the blogs I follow both here and with my real account is Mormon Bachelor Pad. I'll admit that I'm a little jealous that they have so many people who follow their blog and currently I have 6. But they always have so many interesting things to blog about and I do not. I live on a farm and since last December I've been dating the same girl. Boring. At least from the blogging point of view. But that is over and now life is getting interesting again. Ish.

So the first point of interest happened about a month ago. Nikki is a girl that I dated for 3 1/2 years before I left on my mission. High school sweethearts, dated my first year of college, blah blah blah. Anyways when I came home I wanted to date her, she was dating someone else, I started dating someone, she wanted to date, I was still dating someone else, ect. But we dated off and on for almost a year until she left on her mission.

Well Nikki got home from her mission in February and I was still dating Marcy. But a month ago Nikki was home from Provo and came over to watch a movie. She hadn't seen Sherlock Holmes so I put it in and sat down next to her on a Love Sac. Well we were cuddling one minute and then the next we were making out. Talk about a major temptation. Nikki and I had gotten in trouble together plenty of times before when we were dating and the only reason we didn't that night was because of her. Haha my bad.

The other interesting story happened last night. I started school at Idaho State University just over a month ago. There is a girl in my speech class named Charly who played soccer for a different school in the same district I played soccer in. We sit next to each other in class and talk all through it and for the last couple weeks have been hanging out after I finish class and she finishes work on Tuesdays. Well Sara Bareilles had a concert last night on campus at ISU and we had talked about going but we both decided we didn't really want to go. So instead I drove the 40 minutes to her house so we could hang out. Well we messed around for a while and then she put in a movie.

I was just planning on watching the movie, it was a movie I hadn't seen and while Charly is wicked cool, I didn't really want to make a move. But she cuddled up to me with her head on my shoulder. I was okay with that. It didn't bother me one way or the other. As the movie went on she would cuddle closer and start running her finger over my leg. Now sometimes I see signs that aren't there but she was for sure wanting me to do something.

After a while I kinda felt bad not doing anything so I put my arm around her and she snuggled in closer. After a while of me rubbing her back she started to tip her head up like she wanted me to kiss her. But I didn't. I wasn't sure I wanted to open that can of worms. I asked her thought if it would make things weird between us as friends if we kissed and she said it wouldn't so I ended up kissing her.

Will I regret making out with her come Tuesday in class? I honestly don't know. Maybe I will if it is awkward. But I do know that it was fun!

Is it really that much better?

So an interesting thing happened to me this morning. I got onto Facebook and an old FHE sister asked me if it was bad that sometimes she wished she could go back to how she was before. I didn't have the slightest idea what she was talking about so upon further questioning she told me that she used to be a lot different and that she sees pictures of her old friends and she wishes she hadn't changed because she missed it.

So it got me thinking. 5 or 6 years ago I was a radically different person than I am today. I was finishing up high school. I had offers to go play college soccer at different places all over the country. I had scholastic scholarships to all 4 universities I had applied to. I had been dating the same girl for about 3 years and I was happy. I had it all figured out. I knew what I wanted to do and things were going my way.

I made a choice. I decided to go to BYU for school where the girlfriend was at. I had a scholarship there and a good part-time job so I was making good money while going to school. I went to school there for 6 months and then had a couple months at home before I left to serve a mission. I have to admit that my life was good. I was happy.

So when my friend brought up today that she sometimes wished that she could go back it made me realize that I wish I could go back. Everything I had then I no longer have. I still know what I want to do in life but whatever plans I try to make or whatever I try to work for just falls apart and doesn't happen. I dated Marcy for over 8 months and then she dumped me for another guy. (That's a story for a different day)

So I guess what I'm really wondering is if it is really that much better to be a good boy and do all the things I should only to be miserable now that I do? As of right now, I'm leaning towards no.

Goodbye Chloe

So I log onto Facebook today and I have a message from Chloe. It's a huge message. I thought about just trying to sum it up but I figured this would be easier and then you all would get the whole thing.

I haven't moved on. I know that we both said it won't work out and that it wasn't supposed to work out when we wanted it to. But I still daydream. I still wish. I dream of ways that we will rekindle while I am up in Idaho. I still imagine what it would be like if we are married. I still imagine us. I haven't moved on.
As of right now I don't think I can either. Just talking to you and be in contact with makes me hope. I've lead myself to believe that what we had between us was too great and that eventually we would work it out. As long as I think this I won't be able to emotionally move on. It isn't fair to me. I still love you. I still want us and it is apparent that you have moved on. You found someone else that and that hurts me. It hurts me to think of you holding her hand, of hugging her, of cuddling, of sharing your day, of laughing with her, and most of all of kissing her. It hurts me.
My whole purpose of staying your friend was to make this easier. I thought that if I stayed your friend I could move on. That we could still have that emotional connection and that it wouldn't bother me. That we could still be friends without anything else. But I can't do that because I have never done that. I have only been your friend while I am your girlfriend. I think that always in my mind as long as we laugh and we are friends that I will always want more because more was wonderful. More was everything that girls wish for. For me it was a fairy tale. But I can't have more . I shouldn't hope and wish for more. Because we are over. I can't keep lying to myself and say that we can only be friends and that is ok with me because it isn't. I will always want to be more. I will want back what we had. I want to be the girl that you want to talk to all the time. The girl that you hug and kiss. The girl that you share your day with. I want that but I know that it isn't possible.
It hurts me a little bit each time we talk. It hurts me to know that I still want you but you have moved on. It hurts and I am tired of hurting. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't deserve to hurt anymore.
I need to move on. I need to move on emotionally and not still connect my future with you.
So what I am getting down to is that I can't be your friend right now. I don't know if I can ever be your friend. I hope so. I hope that one day we can be friends without me wanting more. I hope that I can but right now I can't and I would be fooling myself thinking I can.
So this is goodbye. I don't know if it is forever or how long it will be for but it is goodbye for now.
I hope that this coming up year goes well for you.
I love you

Chloe

Well there you have it. Oh and I checked and she and I are no longer friends on Facebook. Right after logging in, her little sister started chatting with me and the first thing she says to me is that I'm a jerk because I didn't call Chloe up and tell her that I have a girlfriend. Do I wish Chloe doesn't have to hurt? Yes. Do I care that her sister thinks I'm a jerk? No. I honestly feel that I did the best with the circumstances that I could have done. She told me she didn't want to hear about me going on dates or girls that I like. So I didn't tell her. Apparently that makes me a jerk. Oh well I'll survive having a 17 year old think I'm a jerk. Somehow. Lol. But it sounds as this may be the end of the Chloe chapters. Goodbye Chloe.

The Suckiness of Christmas Break

So it's Christmas break. Christmas is in two days, I'm spending time with my family, getting snowmobiles ready to go ride for a week. I should be enjoying life right? Right. Am I? Hmmmm not so much. There's a few reasons why this is the case.
First off, I'm not just at my parents house for the break. I'm here til April. I'm off track next semester up at BYU-I which means I'm not allowed to take classes. Now I was planning on being married and still being up there this coming semester. Actually, I was supposed to be coming back from my honeymoon today. Not going to lie, these last few days have been a little weird. Knowing that if things would have worked out how they were originally planned I would have been on my honeymoon made for a downer of a weekend. I'll be honest, I've been the good little boy and am waiting to have sex until I get married. So after waiting for so long and then not getting some, yeah it sucks.
Next off, Marcy and I have been texting pretty much non-stop since we last saw each other last Friday. I won't lie, it sucks to not be able to see her. Especially after the last few days and a few things that she's said. I'm not really sure how it came up but she told me that she kinda did want to end up with me. It was awesome.
The couple of times that I've dated girls and thought that there could be more than just dating for a few months, bringing that fact up has always been awkward. Now I know what some of you are thinking. Wesley's just one more Mormon boy ready to jump the gun and get married. Yeah I'm going to have to call no on that one. Actually it's going to be a big Hell No! Honestly, I'm so scared for when I actually do get engaged again. Having it not work out freaking sucked. I don't want that again. So yeah I'm a little freaked out that the topic of marriage has already come up. But at the same time I'm not too worried about it. Firstly because I know that I'm not going to be proposing any time soon. Second, Marcy is way cool. Ever since I decided I did want to date her, I've been asking myself why I ever was trying to avoid it. She's amazing.
What my family has had to say has been interesting ever since they found out about Marcy and I. Turns out, my family wasn't too keen on Chloe. Out of respect for me they didn't say anything but now it's all coming out. I appreciate that they didn't want to rag on her where we were going to get married but if they disliked her so much I honestly wish they would have said something. The good news is that they seem to like Marcy. My mom thinks she is cute. She wanted to see a picture of Marcy's family so I brought one up on my computer of them at the beach and my mom (being the good Mormon lady she is) was all shocked when she realized it was Marcy wearing the bikini. It was kinda funny. I for one am definitely a fan of Marcy in a bikini. She's freaking hot.
But I digress. This definitely sounds cheesy but I hate that I have to wait two more weeks to see Marcy. And then when she comes back she'll be going to school and I'll be an hour away working which means I'll only see her on the weekends. It'll be nice that I still get to see her, but for the last month I've been with her every day. It'll just be a little different is all. Take what you can get, right?

Crazy people

It's kinda crazy how much of a difference a few days can make. A few days ago I wrote that I wasn't in the market for anything serious. Gus commented on my post and asked if I wasn't interested in anything else why was I spending so much time with Marcy. That really got me thinking, why do I do stuff with her so much? This is what I came up with.
I really do like Marcy. At first things were rough with her. They were awkward and confusing. But as time has gone on they get easier and easier. I have so much fun with her now. So to answer the question from Gus, I'm spending so much time with her because I like her. I actually like her a lot. Yesterday Marcy headed down to Utah to spend a few days at her sister's house before she flies home for the break. I spent the day snowboarding but I went over to see her before I headed up to the hill. As I was leaving I gave her a hug. One of the good ones where you never want to let go. And she looked up at me and I couldn't help it. I kissed her. It was great. Was right up until the time when I had to leave.
On the way home from boarding I was texting her and she asked if we were dating. I asked her if she thought we were and she said yes. She asked if I wanted to be dating. So I thought about it and realized that I really do want to date her. So I told her that I did. So we're dating now. And as much as I didn't think I'd like it, I love it. I think the reason I was so against it is because I am still getting over Chloe. After all, today is the day I was supposed to get married.
But as to the crazy people, today I was texting Chloe's old roommate who wants to make out with me and I told her that I am dating someone now. Her response was

This is a good thing to know because I could've loved you as more than a friend, but now I know we're not supposed to be.

Now bear in mind I've never taken this girl on a date and yet she is saying crap about us and being together. I'm not going to lie, it was weird. Here are a couple other texts she sent me.

My love for you will never waver. I'm your friend forever and I still can't wait to see you. I'm happy for your happiness.

Question- you're not going to treat me weird/differently because I realized I could have truly loved u, are u?

I killed any feelings I could've had for you today, so there's no reason to treat me differently.

I'm not going to lie, this whole deal is weird for me. I mean the only time this girl was ever around me was when I was with her roommate Chloe who I was engaged to. I'm not really sure what causes people to be all sorts of crazy like that but it was weird. Talk about creepy

Stuff

So I haven't posted anything on here in a long time. I blame this on a few things. First, I've been super lazy and haven't wanted to sit down and type. Second, the ski hill opened, enough said. And third, there's been the whole Marcy thing going on. So after Thanksgiving she invited me to go over to her apartment. So I did and it was okay. She didn't really talk to me a whole lot but her roommates are way cool and one of them water skis so we had a great time talking skiing. Anyways things were weird with Marcy for quite a while still but they were starting to get better. She finally quit holing up in a shell and not talking. One night we are texting as I'm falling asleep and she tells me that she does like me and that she'd like me to kiss her. Well she told me this about 2 weeks ago and I've seen her everyday since and haven't kissed her. I'm not really sure if I want to kiss her. I mean I could and because of that it's kinda lost some appeal. Plus the semester just ended today and she is gone til January and I'm going to be down in hickville working next semester so I won't see her too often. I figure why complicate life by some girl thinking we are dating.
Last weekend Marcy and I took a trip down to Salt Lake to go to the Tabernacle Christmas concert and look at the lights. It was great and I had a great time. Marcy was feeling a little better than usual and was more herself. A couple days ago though the whole DTR conversation came up though and she asked if we were dating. Honestly, in my mind we aren't. She didn't feel the same way. She said she wants to see where this will go. I'm not going to lie, I'm not really looking for anything serious right now. Even if she is super attractive. I won't lie, I'm kinda just in the market for making out right now.
This leads me to my current dilemma. So one of Chloe's old roommates and another girl I'm friends with both want me to kiss them. Why? Yeah I'm not sure. I'm okay with it though. But pretty sure Marcy would be all sorts of hurt if I did and she found out about it. Decisions decisions.