Goodbye Chloe

So I log onto Facebook today and I have a message from Chloe. It's a huge message. I thought about just trying to sum it up but I figured this would be easier and then you all would get the whole thing.

I haven't moved on. I know that we both said it won't work out and that it wasn't supposed to work out when we wanted it to. But I still daydream. I still wish. I dream of ways that we will rekindle while I am up in Idaho. I still imagine what it would be like if we are married. I still imagine us. I haven't moved on.
As of right now I don't think I can either. Just talking to you and be in contact with makes me hope. I've lead myself to believe that what we had between us was too great and that eventually we would work it out. As long as I think this I won't be able to emotionally move on. It isn't fair to me. I still love you. I still want us and it is apparent that you have moved on. You found someone else that and that hurts me. It hurts me to think of you holding her hand, of hugging her, of cuddling, of sharing your day, of laughing with her, and most of all of kissing her. It hurts me.
My whole purpose of staying your friend was to make this easier. I thought that if I stayed your friend I could move on. That we could still have that emotional connection and that it wouldn't bother me. That we could still be friends without anything else. But I can't do that because I have never done that. I have only been your friend while I am your girlfriend. I think that always in my mind as long as we laugh and we are friends that I will always want more because more was wonderful. More was everything that girls wish for. For me it was a fairy tale. But I can't have more . I shouldn't hope and wish for more. Because we are over. I can't keep lying to myself and say that we can only be friends and that is ok with me because it isn't. I will always want to be more. I will want back what we had. I want to be the girl that you want to talk to all the time. The girl that you hug and kiss. The girl that you share your day with. I want that but I know that it isn't possible.
It hurts me a little bit each time we talk. It hurts me to know that I still want you but you have moved on. It hurts and I am tired of hurting. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't deserve to hurt anymore.
I need to move on. I need to move on emotionally and not still connect my future with you.
So what I am getting down to is that I can't be your friend right now. I don't know if I can ever be your friend. I hope so. I hope that one day we can be friends without me wanting more. I hope that I can but right now I can't and I would be fooling myself thinking I can.
So this is goodbye. I don't know if it is forever or how long it will be for but it is goodbye for now.
I hope that this coming up year goes well for you.
I love you

Chloe

Well there you have it. Oh and I checked and she and I are no longer friends on Facebook. Right after logging in, her little sister started chatting with me and the first thing she says to me is that I'm a jerk because I didn't call Chloe up and tell her that I have a girlfriend. Do I wish Chloe doesn't have to hurt? Yes. Do I care that her sister thinks I'm a jerk? No. I honestly feel that I did the best with the circumstances that I could have done. She told me she didn't want to hear about me going on dates or girls that I like. So I didn't tell her. Apparently that makes me a jerk. Oh well I'll survive having a 17 year old think I'm a jerk. Somehow. Lol. But it sounds as this may be the end of the Chloe chapters. Goodbye Chloe.

The Suckiness of Christmas Break

So it's Christmas break. Christmas is in two days, I'm spending time with my family, getting snowmobiles ready to go ride for a week. I should be enjoying life right? Right. Am I? Hmmmm not so much. There's a few reasons why this is the case.
First off, I'm not just at my parents house for the break. I'm here til April. I'm off track next semester up at BYU-I which means I'm not allowed to take classes. Now I was planning on being married and still being up there this coming semester. Actually, I was supposed to be coming back from my honeymoon today. Not going to lie, these last few days have been a little weird. Knowing that if things would have worked out how they were originally planned I would have been on my honeymoon made for a downer of a weekend. I'll be honest, I've been the good little boy and am waiting to have sex until I get married. So after waiting for so long and then not getting some, yeah it sucks.
Next off, Marcy and I have been texting pretty much non-stop since we last saw each other last Friday. I won't lie, it sucks to not be able to see her. Especially after the last few days and a few things that she's said. I'm not really sure how it came up but she told me that she kinda did want to end up with me. It was awesome.
The couple of times that I've dated girls and thought that there could be more than just dating for a few months, bringing that fact up has always been awkward. Now I know what some of you are thinking. Wesley's just one more Mormon boy ready to jump the gun and get married. Yeah I'm going to have to call no on that one. Actually it's going to be a big Hell No! Honestly, I'm so scared for when I actually do get engaged again. Having it not work out freaking sucked. I don't want that again. So yeah I'm a little freaked out that the topic of marriage has already come up. But at the same time I'm not too worried about it. Firstly because I know that I'm not going to be proposing any time soon. Second, Marcy is way cool. Ever since I decided I did want to date her, I've been asking myself why I ever was trying to avoid it. She's amazing.
What my family has had to say has been interesting ever since they found out about Marcy and I. Turns out, my family wasn't too keen on Chloe. Out of respect for me they didn't say anything but now it's all coming out. I appreciate that they didn't want to rag on her where we were going to get married but if they disliked her so much I honestly wish they would have said something. The good news is that they seem to like Marcy. My mom thinks she is cute. She wanted to see a picture of Marcy's family so I brought one up on my computer of them at the beach and my mom (being the good Mormon lady she is) was all shocked when she realized it was Marcy wearing the bikini. It was kinda funny. I for one am definitely a fan of Marcy in a bikini. She's freaking hot.
But I digress. This definitely sounds cheesy but I hate that I have to wait two more weeks to see Marcy. And then when she comes back she'll be going to school and I'll be an hour away working which means I'll only see her on the weekends. It'll be nice that I still get to see her, but for the last month I've been with her every day. It'll just be a little different is all. Take what you can get, right?

Crazy people

It's kinda crazy how much of a difference a few days can make. A few days ago I wrote that I wasn't in the market for anything serious. Gus commented on my post and asked if I wasn't interested in anything else why was I spending so much time with Marcy. That really got me thinking, why do I do stuff with her so much? This is what I came up with.
I really do like Marcy. At first things were rough with her. They were awkward and confusing. But as time has gone on they get easier and easier. I have so much fun with her now. So to answer the question from Gus, I'm spending so much time with her because I like her. I actually like her a lot. Yesterday Marcy headed down to Utah to spend a few days at her sister's house before she flies home for the break. I spent the day snowboarding but I went over to see her before I headed up to the hill. As I was leaving I gave her a hug. One of the good ones where you never want to let go. And she looked up at me and I couldn't help it. I kissed her. It was great. Was right up until the time when I had to leave.
On the way home from boarding I was texting her and she asked if we were dating. I asked her if she thought we were and she said yes. She asked if I wanted to be dating. So I thought about it and realized that I really do want to date her. So I told her that I did. So we're dating now. And as much as I didn't think I'd like it, I love it. I think the reason I was so against it is because I am still getting over Chloe. After all, today is the day I was supposed to get married.
But as to the crazy people, today I was texting Chloe's old roommate who wants to make out with me and I told her that I am dating someone now. Her response was

This is a good thing to know because I could've loved you as more than a friend, but now I know we're not supposed to be.

Now bear in mind I've never taken this girl on a date and yet she is saying crap about us and being together. I'm not going to lie, it was weird. Here are a couple other texts she sent me.

My love for you will never waver. I'm your friend forever and I still can't wait to see you. I'm happy for your happiness.

Question- you're not going to treat me weird/differently because I realized I could have truly loved u, are u?

I killed any feelings I could've had for you today, so there's no reason to treat me differently.

I'm not going to lie, this whole deal is weird for me. I mean the only time this girl was ever around me was when I was with her roommate Chloe who I was engaged to. I'm not really sure what causes people to be all sorts of crazy like that but it was weird. Talk about creepy

Stuff

So I haven't posted anything on here in a long time. I blame this on a few things. First, I've been super lazy and haven't wanted to sit down and type. Second, the ski hill opened, enough said. And third, there's been the whole Marcy thing going on. So after Thanksgiving she invited me to go over to her apartment. So I did and it was okay. She didn't really talk to me a whole lot but her roommates are way cool and one of them water skis so we had a great time talking skiing. Anyways things were weird with Marcy for quite a while still but they were starting to get better. She finally quit holing up in a shell and not talking. One night we are texting as I'm falling asleep and she tells me that she does like me and that she'd like me to kiss her. Well she told me this about 2 weeks ago and I've seen her everyday since and haven't kissed her. I'm not really sure if I want to kiss her. I mean I could and because of that it's kinda lost some appeal. Plus the semester just ended today and she is gone til January and I'm going to be down in hickville working next semester so I won't see her too often. I figure why complicate life by some girl thinking we are dating.
Last weekend Marcy and I took a trip down to Salt Lake to go to the Tabernacle Christmas concert and look at the lights. It was great and I had a great time. Marcy was feeling a little better than usual and was more herself. A couple days ago though the whole DTR conversation came up though and she asked if we were dating. Honestly, in my mind we aren't. She didn't feel the same way. She said she wants to see where this will go. I'm not going to lie, I'm not really looking for anything serious right now. Even if she is super attractive. I won't lie, I'm kinda just in the market for making out right now.
This leads me to my current dilemma. So one of Chloe's old roommates and another girl I'm friends with both want me to kiss them. Why? Yeah I'm not sure. I'm okay with it though. But pretty sure Marcy would be all sorts of hurt if I did and she found out about it. Decisions decisions.